The Most Selfish Act
by simptasia
Summary: Seb finds Jim on the roof of St. Barts after "the fall" and pretty much loses his mind. Jim/Seb, one sided maybe. Seb as main character. Warning disturbing sexual themes, coarse language, angst and necrophilic themes. You've been warned.


Seb had received a call telling him that something "very unfortunate" had happened on the roof of St. Barts. The voice on the other end was stilted, educated and obviously trying to hold back tears. The caller hung up before Seb could ask who it was and what happened.

For a short time Seb thought he would just ignore the call, after all Jim had given him a very strict order to not leave the estate for the next three days.

As I said it was a short time once he found that one of his guns was missing and his curiosity peaked.

An hours drive later he was climbing up the stairs at St. Barts to the roof.

"This better be bloody important." He was almost to the top.

"What the hell am I doing? Listening to anonymous phone calls over me boss's orders. I must be mad. When Jim finds out about this he'll-"

Seb had gotten on the roof now and he saw it.

Jim's body.

"Fuck! Jim!"

Seb ran over to the body and kneeled down beside it and checked the pulse on reflex. He then chided himself for doing something so stupid. Jim was obviously dead. At a rough guess for at least two hours. Rigor Mortis hadn't set in yet. Seb was no doctor, he had only basic medical training in the army but his missing gun in Jim's hand and the pool of blood around his head was a dead giveaway.

Seb pulled the gun from Jim's grip and chucked it on the ground.

"You fucking idiot."

He sighed in frustration.

"This had better been for something worthwhile and not just out of boredom."

He supposed this had something to do with Sherlock Holmes. Seb being in his boss's favour provides any help he can to Jim's plans even if it is outside of his job description. Including the Richard Brook scheme.

Seb took a moment to chuckle at his memory of Jim in glasses posing for his fake credentials. Jim had sorted out the clothes as usual and Seb took the photos. No point involving anyone else. The two got such a big laugh whenever Jim had to act "normal".

Jim didn't let on any of this though. Seb knew he was visiting Sherlock's house. He saw the video on John Watson's blog. Lost count of how many times he replayed it. Seb knew all about the games Jim played but this...

Jim shot himself and he couldn't understand why.

"Why would you do this?" he half managed to choke out. It was then he realised he was crying. This came as a bit of a shock because Seb didn't cry. He just didn't. Not since he was a child when his father cracked his belt over him a few times.

But there he was, half sobbing over a man who really didn't deserve it.

"Oh, god, Jim... you..." The more he cried the angrier he got.

"Bastard! It's all very well and good for you! One pull at the trigger and it's over. You've... you've... won your stupid game!" Seb spat out the word "game". That word had lost all meaning to him. It was a stupid little word that made Jim do stupid things.

"But you didn't think about me, huh? What the fuck am I supposed to do now?"

There was nothing left for him. He grabbed the gun and held it to his temple. May as well go ahead with what he was going to do five years ago. Think of Jim as a horrible brilliant interruption.

Seb pulled the trigger. Click. Nothing. He dropped the gun.

"One bullet? Is this some kind of cruel joke? Jesus Christ, Jim, one mistake and..."

Jim's stare towards the sky was unmoving but Seb still felt something mocking from it.

"Ah, but you don't make mistakes, do you?"

Seb heaved a great breath and rubbed his tears off with his sleeves.

"Please come back."

Time passed slowly and nothing happened. Seb heard police and ambulance sirens nearby but they didn't come for them. He just wanted to be taken away from this nightmare. Let the world think Jim was Richard Brook like he wanted.

Hours passed as Seb lay next to Jim's body, holding his hand tightly. At least he thinks it was hours. It could have just been a few minutes, he couldn't tell. He didn't care. He was singing Amazing Grace softly to Jim. Seb wasn't a religious man, the song wasn't very appropriate and he wasn't a good singer but it had just come into his mind for some reason.

"I was once was lost... but now am found. Was blind but now I... see."

Jim would've hated this song. Would've argued that Seb was still blind because he's such an idiot. Seb smiled at the thought.

Seb lifted his head and leant on his elbow, looking down at Jim's face.

There was a fly on his nose.

"Shoo." Seb batted away the fly, the movement causing Jim's head to fall limply towards Seb and more blood to gush out of his wound making Seb cringe.

"You can't keep smiling at a time like this. I like that you died happy but you mustn't smile with your brain coming out like that."

If Seb were to observe himself from afar he'd remark that he had gone over to the deep end.

Seb closed Jim's mouth with his thumb and forefinger and pulled the sides down giving him a somewhat passive look.

He brushed his thumb over Jim's lips. He lingered there a little too long.

He remembered living Jim. He replayed past conversations with him in his mind. Remembered little things. Him teaching Seb how to use a computer. Listening to Jim talk about maths for hours on end. Jim photographing his scars for interest's sake. Fights that they've had. Drunken shenanigans. Really inventive killing sprees. For Jim's 33rd birthday Seb had gotten him a big wasp later named Dorothy. That hadn't turned out well.

Brilliant Jim. Talented Jim. Unpredictable, insane, funny, beautiful, sexy Jim.

Ah, there was the one boundary they never crossed.

Seb held Jim's cold face in hand and brought their lips together.

It started as a chaste kiss, just a simple sign of affection to a lost love, Seb told himself. Just a few gentle pecks. Seb's mind told him he could stop now.

He pulled Jim's face closer to his and started sucking on his lips. He knew what that sloshing sound was but he was going to ignore it. This was wrong enough.

Seb's body heat was starting to make Jim's lips warm. Seb kiss was hungry now, his hand gripping at the side of Jim's torso for support.

Seb started rutting at Jim's side, grinding his clothed hard-on against him seeking release. "Oh, god."

"Oh, Jim, oh fuck... fuck I'm almost there..."

Then Seb forced his tongue into Jim's mouth; he tasted gun powder, blood, mint... he stopped dead in his tracks and jumped away from Jim's body when his tongue touch the bullet hole.

He had to clamp his hand over his mouth to stop himself from vomiting.

Everything that just happened hit him violently.

"I'm disgusting."

'Aw, why'd you stop? You were enjoying it so much.'

He could hear Jim's voice in his head.

'You've leaked through your trousers you dirty boy.'

"What-"

'What were you doing to do, Sebastian? Take me home for later and fuck my lifeless body?'

"Stop it."

'I knew you weren't right in the head but I never thought you had this in you.'

"Stop it! I'm not like that!"

Seb was yelling at Jim's face, the voice almost seemed to be coming from him.

'Oh really? You were just using my corpse to wank. You almost came. Kissing me and treating me like I'm alive doesn't make it less wrong.'

"You're just in my mind! Go away!"

'Did you like how I tasted, Sebastian?'

Seb retched and vomited on the ground next to Jim.

He heard Jim make an all too familiar pondering noise in his head.

'It's a good thing I never had you. If you can barely last five minutes when I'm dead then you'd be pretty much useless to me alive.'

"Just... just fuck off!"

'The voices will leave but I'll always be watching, Seb. Watching from he-ell..."

"You don't scare me! You never scared me!"

There was no answer. Seb gave a sigh of relief.

Seb brushed his hand over Jim's eyes, closing him.

"I'm sorry."

As far as Seb saw it, the only way he could've been more disrespectful to Jim's memory is if he had set him on fire and pissed out the flames.

Actually, what he was doing was probably worse.

He knew Jim wasn't watching him. There was no God, no hell. Nobody was judging him but him. He didn't want to take him home and defile him like the voice had said. He was going to clean Jim up, dress him in his nice suit, have him embalmed and then put him in a glass coffin in Jim's old study.

Like Snow White, Seb thought to himself as he dialled for some people to help carry the boss away.

Nobody would ever find either of them. The other people who worked for Jim would stop getting paid and go home. The crime rate would go down suddenly and the police would think it was because Sherlock had died.

Yes, Jim Moriarty had planned it well.

Seb could see the merit in his plan but still thought he was a bastard for leaving him alone like this. Without a goodbye. But that wasn't his style. If Seb had known he would've done anything to stop Jim dying and that'd ruin everything.

Jim had once called Seb an "unwelcome factor but one I can't bring myself to remove." He understands what he meant now.

Jim was taken away without a fuss and Seb arranged everything accordingly.

Jim lays on display in the study only for Sebastian's eyes.

He was never the same after that day but he never got the help he needed.

He still talks to Jim's body but has never heard unwanted voices again.

As time goes Seb's hair has gone grey at the sides and there are a few wrinkles here and there but Jim stays the same. Suspended in time, almost.

Sebastian closed his book and yawned. It was time for bed.

"That's was a nice talk we had today, Jimmy." He walked over to the coffin and laid his hand on it.

"You used to hate it when I called you that."

Sebastian patted the glass and smiled.

"Good night. I love you."

Sometimes he wonders how John Watson copes.

He doesn't know, but he does know if the rumours are true and Sherlock Holmes isn't dead then he'll hunt him down and kill him.

Slowly.


End file.
